They.

I have this really, really bad habit of caring what other people think. This most likely stems from childhood— a dash of needing to perform well mixed with the fear of rejection. To be honest, my school environment probably had a part in this. I was the only black girl in my class from kindergarten through 12th grade at a Christian private school, so I think the need to fit in was even more exacerbated than it would have been if circumstances were different. Even though I didn’t know all of the intricacies and impacts of race and religion and what those things meant regarding approval specifically, I’m now more aware of how I was affected.

But this post isn’t about race or religion, and I’m not going to go down those rabbit holes right now (Alice in Wonderland is one of my favorite stories, by the way). I’m just making an observation about where part of this this disease to please—as Oprah puts it—stems from. It has influenced my romantic relationships, career choices, and even whether or not to invite people to my house.

“What will they think?”

The correct response is…

“Who cares?!”

If I was at that point, I wouldn't be writing this. Here are some observations that may help alleviate some stress if you find yourself wrestling with this as well.

1. Not everyone has to like you

You ever meet someone and you just don’t vibe with them? It’s not because they’re an evil person. There’s just something about them that’s ehhh. That’s ok. You have the right not to like someone. That doesn’t mean you treat them badly, but you don’t have to like them. Now, imagine you’re the person on the receiving end of that. Oh. Ohhhh!

2. If they don’t like you, it’s not always about something you did wrong.

Performance, performance! Just because you’ve checked all of these boxes and they still don’t like you, it doesn’t necessarily mean there is anything wrong with you. People not accepting or liking you doesn’t always have to do with you. There could be good things about you that irk whoever you’re trying to figure out. It happens…

3. The ego.

Ah, yes. The ego. If we’re being honest here, that drives a lot of this. How can they not like me? I’m this. I’m that. Meanwhile, you’re doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out how you can get their approval because you’re shocked that someone could actually not like you. You’ll save yourself a lot of sleep and brain cells by focusing on something else.

Well, that’s all I have for now. How’d you like the post? Sike! I shouldn’t care.